Clean, family friendly, office safe humor

You Might Be An Engineer If . . .

If you introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife”

If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

If you can quote scenes from any “Monty Python” movie

If you want a 8x CD-ROM for Christmas

If Dilbert is your hero

If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486 DX-50

If your idea of a good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids’ toys

If you use a CAD package to design your son’s Pine Wood Derby car

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string

If you window shop at Radio Shack

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies

If you have “Dilbert” comics displayed anywhere in your work area

If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually take five minutes to run

If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera’s flash attachment

If you don’t ever know where the cover to your personal computer is

If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven

If you know the direction of the water swirls when you flush

If you own “Official Star Trek” anything

If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what’s inside

If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception

If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair Project

If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

If you have never backed-up your hard drive

If you are aware that computers are actually only good for computer games, but are afraid to say it out loud

If you truly believe that aliens are living among us

If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

If you have ever purchased an electrical appliance “as is”

If you see a good design and still have to change it

If the sales people at Circuit City can’t answer any of your questions

If you still own a slide rule and know how to work it

If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind

If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don’t remember where they are

If you rotate your screen savers more often than your automobile tires

If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns the bread into charcoal

If you have more toys than your kids

If you need a checklist to turn on your TV

If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name

If you have the habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

If you IQ number is bigger than your weight

If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don’t work and you rush up to the front to fix it

If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary

If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already

If you have ever owned a calculator with no “equal” key and know what “RPN” stands for

If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family’s first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how it made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal

If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use

If you can type 70 words per minute but can’t read you own handwriting

If people grown at the party when you pick out the music

If you can’t remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week

If you did the sound system for your senior prom

If your checkbook always balances

If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone

If you have more friends on the internet than you do in real life

If you thought the real heros of “Apollo 13” were the mission controllers

If you think that when people around you yawn, it’s because they didn’t get enough sleep

If you spend more on your home computer than your car

If you know what “http:/” stands for

If you ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio

If you have neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage

If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain the atmospheric absorption theory

If your lap-top computer costs more than your car

If your 4 basic food groups are: 1.) Caffeine 2,) Fat 3.) sugar 4.) Chocolate

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