A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the Kitchen.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. Continue reading
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A husband and wife were driving down a country road on their way to visit some friends. As they came to a muddy part of the road, their car got stuck.
After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the road, driving some mules. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50.
The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer,”When do you have time to plow your land? At night?”
“No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”
A motorist was driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened and he then asked what the animal was worth.
A man walking in the countryside meets a shepherd and a big flock of sheep. The man tells the shepherd: “I will bet you 1000 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”
The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. “855,” says the man.
The shepherd is amazed, because this is the exact number. Says “OK, I’m a man of my word, take a sheep.”
Man picks one up and starts walking away. “Wait,” shouts the shepherd, “Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation!” Man says “OK.”
“You are an economist working for the government,” says the shepherd. “Amazing!” responds the man, “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you conclude to that?” “Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you!”
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died. “Chuck replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Chuck said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.”
The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?” Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer said “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” Chuck said, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?” Chuck said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”