Religious
Airplane conversations
An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know crap?”
Politically correct- Twas the night before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves. Continue reading
Environmentally Correct Noah
And the Lord said to Noah, “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for an Ark.”OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. “Six months and it starts to rain,” thundered the Lord. “You’d better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.” Continue reading
The Mormon Missionary’s Articles of Faith -or- The Articles Defaced
1. We believe in black Reebok tracting shoes, argyles, and obnoxious slacks. Continue reading
LDS Family T-shirt
An LDS child needed to bring an old shirt from home for a school project about drug prevention. The mother was busy and handed her child an old T-shirt without examining it. Later, she was appalled to see her child wearing the T-shirt through the mall. On the front, it said, “A Family is Forever.” On the back: “Be Smart, Don’t Start.”
Jonah
A little girl was noticed by her pastor, as she held her storybook, entitled “Jonah and the Whale.” The pastor thought he would see if the little girl believed the story about Jonah.
CHURCH HUMOR
Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: “The Gates of Heaven”. Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: “Please use other entrance.” Continue reading
So God agreed…..
On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
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THE ZEN OF SARCASM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
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Elite order of monks
This guy renounces the material world, divests of all earthly possesssions and joins an elite order of monks. As part of their discipline, they are allowed to say only two words every 7 years.
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