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Political

Why English is spoken

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, “Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?”

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, “Maybe it’s because the Brit’s, Canadians, Aussie’s and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.”

Standards of Conduct for President of the United States

In 1974 a young female attorney helped draw up the rules under which Richard M. Nixon would be tried by the Congress for impeachment. “Impeachment,” she wrote, “did not have to be for criminal offenses-but only for a ‘course of conduct’ that suggested an abuse of power or a disregard for the office of the President of the United States.”

She wrote, “that a person’s ‘course of conduct’ while not particularly criminal could be of such a nature that it destroys trust, discourages allegiance, and demands action by the Congress.” She wrote that “the office of the President is such that it calls for a higher level of conduct than the average citizen in the United States.”

This young female attorney who helped write the standard under which Presidents are to be judged by the House of Representatives has a unique perspective on the present situation in the White House. You see, that female attorney who said that an unethical “course of conduct” could overthrow a president is now the First Lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

WHAT ARE YOU SMUGGLING?

by J Russom

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Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about….. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

The President should resign

“Yes, the President should resign. He has lied to the American people, time and time again, and betrayed their trust. Since he has admitted guilt, there is no reason to put the American people through an impeachment. He will serve absolutely no purpose in finishing out his term. The only possible solution is for the president to save some dignity and resign.”

– 12th Congressional District Hopeful William Jefferson Clinton, during the Nixon investigations in 1972.

Environmentally Correct Noah

And the Lord said to Noah, “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for an Ark.”OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. “Six months and it starts to rain,” thundered the Lord. “You’d better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.” Continue reading

Best Presidential Joke of the Year

President Obama walked into the bank to cash a check. As he approached the cashier he said, “Good morning Ma’am, could you please cash this check for me?”
Cashier:
“It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?”

Obama:
“Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA!!!!”
Cashier:
“Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd-Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID.

Obama:
“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
Cashier:
“I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

Obama:
“I order you to cash this check!”
Cashier:
“Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.

Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?”

Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, “Honestly, I can’t think of a single thing. I don’t have a clue what to do.

Cashier:
“Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?

Feudalism, Communism, Capitalism…

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your Lord takes some of the milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help take care of them and you share the milk.

Militarism: You have two cows. The State takes both and drafts you.

Mafia: You have two cows. You give one to the Godfather on the day of his daughter’s wedding. In return, he doesn’t have your legs broken.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The governement takes them both and denies they ever existed and drafts you into the army. Milk is banned.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Excellent trade, Sir…

Bill Clinton was getting off Air Force One carrying a small puppy and the marine at the foot of the steps asked “What do you have there Mr. President?”

Bill replied I got a puppy for Hillary.

Marine says “Excellent trade Sir!