Health & medical
There I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, troublemaking biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
“Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I suddenly burst into tears.
“Oh, come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you jerk, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”
One time I got sick and landed in hospital.
There was this one nurse that just drove me crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning?” Or “Are we ready for a bath?” or “Are we hungry?”
I had had enough of this particular nurse.
One day at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the tray and put it in my bedside stand. Later I was given a urine sample bottle to fill for testing. So you know where the juice went!
The nurse came in a while later, picked up the urine sample bottle, looked at it and said, “My, my, it seems we are a little cloudy today.”
At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and gulped it down, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time!”
The nurse fainted… I just smiled.
Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously. You are going to die anyway, so live life to the fullest.
For years ‘n years they told me,
“Be careful of your breasts.
Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests.”
Bubba Had Shingles.
1. Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables by Getting Someone Else to Hold the Vegetables While You Chop.