Safe Jokes

Clean, family friendly, office safe humor

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Applying for a stockbroker’s position…

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA applying for a stockbroker’s position, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”

The candidate said, “In the neighborhood of $225,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
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Einstein in heaven…

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. “I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.

“See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!” “That”s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!”

“And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!” “That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss physics!”

“And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!” “That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!”

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it. “I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.” Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think the stock market is heading?”

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Civil engineer, chemist and stock broker…

A civil engineer, a chemist and a stockbroker are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn.

“I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn,” the innkeeper says.

The civil engineer volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed. In a short time they’re awakened by a knock. It’s the engineer, who says, “There’s a cow in that barn. I’m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal.”

The chemist says, “That’s OK, I’ll sleep in the barn.” The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock. It’s the chemist who says, “There’s a pig in that barn. I’m Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal.”

So the stockbroker is sent to the barn. It’s getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep. But they’re awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It’s the cow and the pig!

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One day a stockbroker was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass.

One day a stockbroker was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass?”
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How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it’s already burned out).

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Traders and limbo…

And the traders :

Q. How did all the Daytraders manage to fit under the limbo bar at their party?
A. They had all gone short.
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The Godfather, his stockbroker and his accountant

The Godfather, accompanied by his stockbroker, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The accountant doesn’t answer. The Godfather asks again, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The stockbroker interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.” The Godfather says, “Well, ask him where the @#!* money is.”

The stockbroker, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where the @#!* money is!”

The stockbroker signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!” The accountant signs back, “Okay! Okay! The money’s hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!”

The Godfather says, “Well, what did he say?” The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, “He says that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

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A man get stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.

Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish.

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Games which increase the power of your mind

ponder_mediumhttp://www.PonderGames.com

I’ve created many games for the Kindle & Android that increase the power of your mind. The games were designed to not only test your knowledge, but to increase it through the power of play.

Some of my games include:

  • Foreign Currency Exchange
  • US Constitution
  • Political Principles
  • States & Nicknames
  • People of the Bible
  • Family History Vocabulary
  • Scripture Mastery

Features of the games:

  • Multiple choice game
  • Keeps track of your score
  • Keeps track of your time
  • Shows your highest score
  • Shows the correct answer
  • Shows your fastest time
  • Rewards you when you achieve 100%

Are you ready?… Then let’s begin.

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What is the internal temperature of a Tom-tom?

Q. What is the internal temperature of a Tom-tom?

A. Luke-warm.

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