The Godfather, accompanied by his stockbroker, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?”
The accountant doesn’t answer. The Godfather asks again, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?”
The stockbroker interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.” The Godfather says, “Well, ask him where the @#!* money is.”
The stockbroker, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where the @#!* money is!”
The stockbroker signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!” The accountant signs back, “Okay! Okay! The money’s hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!”
The Godfather says, “Well, what did he say?” The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, “He says that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”
Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish.
I’ve created many games for the Kindle & Android that increase the power of your mind. The games were designed to not only test your knowledge, but to increase it through the power of play.
Some of my games include:
- Foreign Currency Exchange
- US Constitution
- Political Principles
- States & Nicknames
- People of the Bible
- Family History Vocabulary
- Scripture Mastery
Features of the games:
- Multiple choice game
- Keeps track of your score
- Keeps track of your time
- Shows your highest score
- Shows the correct answer
- Shows your fastest time
- Rewards you when you achieve 100%
Are you ready?… Then let’s begin.
Q. What is the internal temperature of a Tom-tom?
Jeff Allen wanted to stop swearing.
For the Southerner who grew up among blue-collar construction workers, cursing was always part of his everyday language — and it filled his comedy routines. But when Allen found himself struggling in his career as a stand-up comic, he decided to see if dropping the swear words would help.
So he took his young son with him to his acts at the nightclub, offering to pay him 25 cents for every curse word that slipped through.
Although it took some adjusting — he owed his son as much as $3 by the end of one show — Allen found that once he did away with the swearing, he had a pretty clean act. He also found his stories getting funnier and more eloquent because he was forced to dig deeper instead of falling back on curse words as punch lines.
President Obama walked into the bank to cash a check. As he approached the cashier he said, “Good morning Ma’am, could you please cash this check for me?”
“It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?”
“Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA!!!!”
“Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd-Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID.
“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
“I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
“I order you to cash this check!”
“Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?”
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, “Honestly, I can’t think of a single thing. I don’t have a clue what to do.
“Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
We went to breakfast at a restaurant Where the ‘Seniors Special’ was Two eggs, bacon, hash browns And toast for $2.99. ‘Sounds good,’ my wife said, ‘But I don’t want the eggs.’
‘Then, I’ll have to charge you $3.49 Because you’re ordering a la carte,’ The waitress warned her.
‘You mean I’d have to pay for Not taking the eggs?’ My wife asked incredulously.
‘Yes!’ stated the waitress. ‘I’ll take the special then,’ my wife said.
‘How do you want your eggs?’ The waitress asked.
‘Raw and in the shell,’ my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home And baked a cake.
DON’T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! We’ve been around The block more than once!
Checkout this supermarket that will change the way we buy groceries.
You’ve been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2013 Darwin Awards:
One afternoon, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good Afternoon, Ma’am… What are you doing?’
‘Reading a book,’ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’)
‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.
‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.’
‘Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’
‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,’ says the woman.
‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the Game Warden.
‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment..
For all I know you could start at any moment.’
‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.